10 Things I wish I knew before I had my baby

I have been a mother for six months now and it has been the hardest, but also the most fun thing I have done. Prior to becoming a mother, I worked myself up into a frenzy of “what if I do it wrong” and 100 other anxieties, caused by unnecessary pressure put on myself by me, and others. If I could go back in time, these are the 10 things I would tell myself.

1. “No” is a complete sentence. You don’t owe anyone any further explanations, especially when it comes to your child and parenting choices.
2. It can be lonely. Feeding at 3am, waking at 6am, and spending all of your time with a little human that cannot yet speak, can be a very isolating experience. Your interests, motivation, and ability to engage in activities you did before the baby came will change a lot, and despite your best intentions, you will probably find yourself being more reclusive than you were before. Prepare yourself for big changes in your intimate relationships, friendships, and professional relationships.
3. Coconut oil will save your life. There isn’t much that coconut oil doesn’t cure, but having a baby made me realise what an essential it is. Nappy rash, baby moisturiser, cleansing baby, dry patch/ rash cream/ nipple cream, mosquito bites- you name it, coconut oil has got you covered.
4. Only listen to reputable advice. Don’t listen to me, don’t listen to mommy blogs and ignore well meaning family members and people on the street as 99% of the time, none of them know what they are talking about. I follow the American Association of Pediatrics and and science backed guidelines for vaccinations, safe sleep, weaning, and other recommendations. Do not listen to old wives tales, doctors who aren’t up to date on the latest, and your mother in law-and if in doubt- fact check. 
5. Follow your baby. From day one, I let my baby set her schedule- we feed on demand, sleep on demand and I follow her cues to see when she wants to eat, how much she wants, and when she is tired. Don’t force your child into a schedule- it is unnecessary and stressful, but it is important to have a routine. I do the same things with my daughter each day, in the same order, but I let her decide the times. We wake up, eat breakfast, get dressed, go for a walk, nap twice, eat solids and milk throughout the day, wash (bath or quick wash), sing/read a book, and then go to bed. There is no need to set an hour-by-hour plan, your babies needs will change each day, just keep the routine the same and let them tell you the times.
6. You can’t spoil a baby. Ignore anyone that tells you otherwise- a baby needs love to thrive, flourish and become an emotionally healthy adult– depriving them of love and contact because someone told you that you will spoil them is completely false. Babywear, do skin to skin, let them nap on your chest, hold them in your arms, cuddle them when they cry, carry them around with you- if a baby builds a healthy attachment with caregivers, they develop into healthier adults. Research also suggests that a strong attachment early on, leads to more confident and independent children; quite the opposite of spoiling them.
7. You’re doing a better job than you think. It’s ok to not be ok- baby blues, postpartum depression, or simple exhaustion and stress- being a parent is hard and if you are feeling down, don’t be ashamed and ask for help. You are doing a much better job than you think you are but remember to take care of yourself as well.
8. Don’t be afraid to make mistakes. There is no such thing as a perfect parent and even Insta-moms make mistakes. Don’t be afraid to not know what you are doing, or to mess up- just be sure to learn from it. This will make you a better parent instead of getting eaten up with anxiety and self-doubt.
9. It doesn’t matter how you feed your baby. It really doesn’t. If you have access to clean water and proper formula, there is very little difference between modern formula and breastmilk and the benefits of one over the other are negligible at best. Everyone should try to breastfeed, but if you cannot for whatever reason, or you simply don’t want to, that is totally fine. You don’t owe anyone an explanation as to why you are not breastfeeding and anyone that judges you for breastfeeding or formula feeding is an ass. It’s your baby and your body, do what works for you both. Just feed your baby and everything will be fine.
10. Trust your instinct. Of course, when it comes to medical matters, your “gut” is not a substitute for a decade in medical school, but for other things- you are the best judge.If you don’t feel comfortable handing your baby to someone- don’t, if you don’t want to go somewhere, or send them somewhere- don’t, if you don’t want to shave your babies head at 1 year old, don’t, if your baby gets stressed with someone, take them back. A mother’s instinct is one of the strongest instincts we have so use it. You know your baby better than anyone and can therefore judge if they are happy, sad, angry, scared, hungry, tired, acting unusually, or otherwise. Your instinct will guide you through 99% of parenting and it will kick in the minute you hold your baby in your arms.