After a year of being The Balkanista, and following on from two previous instalments of ‘Only in Albania’ (Part 1 here, Part 2 here) I thought it wise to do an update based on my knowledge of life here and my observations of its quirks and tongue-in-cheek idiosyncrasies. Again, these are all in jest and not to be taken literally so please calm down and take them with the humour and love that they are intended.
Only in Albania are lime green, mint green, yellow-green, hospital scrub green, and pastel green considered as popular choices for interior paint.
Only in Albania do you need to provide your taxi driver with a map, coordinates, the address, the details put into his phone, and step-by-step directions, as well as explaining it all to his mate who speaks English, who he will always ring halfway through to check.
Only in Albania will you have more local knowledge of shortcuts, backstreets, addresses, bars, hotels, restaurants and landmarks than a taxi driver.
Only in Albania will you get stuck behind a donkey/goats/other farm animals on your way to the beach.
Only in Albania will your car be chased by stray dogs on several occasions each time you leave the city.
Only in Albania will you soon realise that there isn’t much that raki and caj mali cannot fix.
Only in Albania can you go to a concert in an Orthodox Church, check out a display of Chinese New Year decorations, photo some St Valentines’ Day hearts and then visit a mosque all within a one-block distance and on the same day.
Only in Albania are things such as business/marriage proposals/serious life choices discussed over a coffee. A meeting that doesn’t involve coffee in a coffee shop, is not a serious meeting and should not be treated as such.
Only in Albania is there one elderly lady who sits in the window of almost every (older) apartment block, keeping tabs on the comings and goings and everything else that goes on in the area. If you think you don’t have one where you live, you are not looking hard enough.
Only in Albania is everything Albanian- Macedonia, Kosovo- all Albanian. Ancient Greece? Actually Albania. The seat of modern civilisation? Albania. The pyramids? Built by Albanians. The invention of time travel? Yet to be invented, by Albanians.
Only in Albania will people fire semi-automatic weapons into the air indiscriminately to celebrate a wedding/birthday/football result.
Only in Albania can people get hammered on raki yet still remember complicated steps to traditional dances, and then do them in 6 inch heels without falling over or missing a beat.
Only in Albania will every woman have her social media inboxes full of guys talking to themselves for years. “prsh”, “ckemi”, “si je”, “zemra”…
Only in Albania will you soon learn to disregard the concept of time-meetings, events, transport, schedules- none of it matters any more here. The sooner you realise that designated times are just open for interpretation, the better for your sanity.
Only in Albania will you understand that there is no way you can change the mind of an Albanian- it doesn’t matter what the topic or reason is or what argument you can bring to the table- you cannot change their minds!
Only in Albania will you have to take your shoes on and off multiple times when visiting relatives. If it is around New Year’s time and you are doing a tour of multiple houses, do not wear lace up shoes or shoes that are complicated to take on and off. Trust me on this.
Only in Albania will it take you three phonecalls, five trips in person, two arguments with the supervisor, two subsequent trips, and a phonecall to complete even the most basic task at any kind of service provider, public office, or authority.
Only in Albania would it be advised to have a number of spare house shoes/slippers available for your Albanian guests. You don’t want people getting cold toes when they visit!
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