When I announced I was pregnant, I was warned that I would receive a lot of unsolicited advice but no one really prepared me for the sheer absurdity and intrusiveness of some of the comments.
Whilst you might say that the intentions behind these are harmless, the truth is that they can end up being rather offensive. We get bombarded and are already stressing about the decisions we will take and how they will affect our child. Getting advice in this way often has incredibly passive aggressive undertones and causes anxiety as well as making us feel shame for the way that we are doing things.
Here are my top 10 worst bits of unsolicited advice
“Don’t let your cat near your baby bump or the baby will have lots of body hair”
Sorry, what? I love my cats, I love my unborn child, my cats love my unborn child, and my cats sitting on my bump or in its vicinity is not going to result in an unusually hairy child. Please don’t talk to me again.
“Oh…I am sorry it’s a girl, you should try for a boy as soon as possible”
This gem came from, you guessed it a man. Well let me tell you
“I see you are choosing a name for your baby, here is a checklist of things I prepared that you should really consider before you choose one”
Thank heavens you were there to guide me
“Be sure to interview your nanny and make sure you can trust her”
Oh really Sharon? Thanks for the tip. I was planning on just grabbing a random person off the street, or perhaps prison, and then giving them a key to my house and responsibility for my daughter. Thank heavens you were astute enough to stop me in my tracks and tell me that I should do due diligence on the person I will hire to help me take care of my first born child.
“Did you know that alcohol and caffeine are bad for your little one?”
This gem of wisdom was from a woman I do not know and have never met.
This also extends to those people who sent me lists of food/drink/supplements I should/shouldn’t take, without me asking. Whilst you might think this is just being nice, I have got it covered thanks.
“Make sure you send her to Kindergarten by seven months- that is the done thing here”
So apparently, sending your child to kindergarten by the time they start to transition to solids is the done thing here. I can understand that many women need to get back to work and that sending their child to kindergarten young is a necessity but I do not fall into that category. The work I do, I do from home and I have hired a nanny to come every day to assist me and to help with the baby. People have implied that by not sending her to school at this young age, she will not be socialised- again this is not the case. I am lucky enough to be in a situation where I can have my daughter with me for at least two years and can take her to socialise and involve her in activities myself. I am not adverse to the odd day or two of kindergarten every so often, increasing as she gets older but I am happy with the fact that I will be bringing her up with the help of my nanny, whilst continuing my career.
“A nanny? It would be much better for you to spend time with your daughter rather than giving her to someone else.”
“You need your mother there”
My family situation and the situation of my family, like everything else to do with my pregnancy is nothing to do with anyone else. What I ‘need’ is to be left to plan for my daughters birth without the interference or judgement of anyone else.
“You should have more babies”
How many children I choose to have is none of anyone’s damn business and there are a myriad of reasons why I may or may not have more children and guess what? None of them concern you. If I want family planning advice from a completely stranger or someone who doesn’t share a bed with me, you will be at the top of my list, but until then, please leave.
“Nice idea, but you won’t do it once she is here”
I have a lot of specific plans for how I want to raise my daughter. Cloth diapers, no stroller, full vaccinations, no sugar/sweets, no
And here are some gems from my Facebook friends and followers!
- “Make sure you baptise your child”- said to a non-Catholic
- “If you get food cravings, you have to eat them or the baby will get a birth mark in the shape of the food you craved”
- “Don’t cross your arms over your stomach or it will break the babies lips”
- “Think of your babies wellbeing and register as “father unknown” so you can get more benefits”- said to an unmarried mother
- “Cover your babies face when you leave the house”- an old custom in Albania
- “If you don’t stop breastfeeding before she is one year old, she will become a lesbian”
- “Don’t drink coffee/alcohol when breastfeeding”
- “Don’t overdo it”- said to a woman who worked right up until birth. Her reply? “I’m quite capable of judging what I can and can’t do- I am pregnant not ill or incapacitated”.
