Being pregnant is hard- putting up with unsolicited advice (jesus f*cking Christ will you give it a rest?), your skin reverting to that of a 12-year-old boys, lips peeling off in sheets, back pain, hip pain, and a big ol’ dose of insomnia with a side-serving of prenatal depression- it is certainly not the bed of roses that I was led to believe was awaiting me. But as I have entered my 18thweek, I have encountered yet another giant impenetrable obstacle that has been placed in my way- picking out a name for my little cherub.
Call me a snob but I am a bit old fashioned when it comes to naming children, and pets. I don’t like made up names, I don’t like misspelt names, I don’t like names that sound like characters from reality television, I don’t like names that are “fashionable” in their many variations, or names that are unnecessarily hyphenated with other names, or names that sound like a herbal remedy or sexually transmitted infection. I don’t like names of pop stars or cartoon characters, I don’t like names that refer to where or how the little poppet was conceived, and I don’t like names that would sound more suitable being shouted out across a strip club as opposed to introducing a high-court judge or expert speaker on a panel of professionals.
The other issue that we face is that our family consists of two different cultures and religions- two different languages, sets of traditions, connotations, meanings, ‘lost-in-translation-moments’, and all out warfare over what is acceptable in Albanian and what is acceptable in English. Whilst there are some lovely Albanian names, most of them are very difficult to translate into English- either they sound like a negative English word, are impossible to spell or pronounce, or sound like a made up name- something I am completely against.
English names that I suggest are met with similar confusion with Albanians- the spelling, the way the letters are pronounced, and their meaning are completely alien to Albanian ears, again making us sound like we have made up some atrociously tacky name in a bid to be ‘yooneek.’
I don’t want my daughter to be bullied because we gave her a ridiculous name, I don’t want her to constantly have to explain how to spell or pronounce her name in either country, and I don’t want to pick a name that is entirely recognisable and obscure to people from the other culture. I want a name that is timeless, not too complicated, not too trendy, and that works equally well in Albania as it does in England. With a surname like Hoxha, it is already quite a mouthful and I don’t want to make things any more complicated for her.
Choosing a good name is a massive responsibility- whether we like it or not, employers, peers, and members of the public judge us on our names- it is commonly known that certain names put of potential employers and whilst I do not agree with this, I will be damned if I will name her “Queencess” and screw up her chance at a normal life. Furthermore, there have been a number of studies that delve into the psychology of name choosing and how to give a good solid name, so it is not just my opinion- there is science to back this up.
I know that whatever we decide to call her, someone will have a problem with it “That’s not an Albanian/English name”, or “you should have called her *****”- my response being, if you are prepared to carry my child for 9 months inside of you, then and only then can you have a say in what we decide to call her.
As it stands at the moment, we have around eight names we are considering- one is Albanian, the others are foreign names that are used here with little confusion or difficulty but it took quite a considerable amount of arguing to get to this stage. As for what she will be called, god only knows. I always say that you cannot name a cat until you meet them, and I guess I will apply the same principle to my daughter.
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