Only in Albania…Part 2

So, having been in Albania for 10 months now, I thought it was about time I did a little update on my “Only in Albania…” list. Considering that the last one went viral and was translated (badly) into Albanian without my permission, I would like to write a few disclaimers and suggestions in case the same thing should happen with this one.

1. This is a joke and is meant in a light-hearted way. British humour is sarcastic and tends to exaggerate, bear this in mind when you read my points.
2. If you want to reproduce this in Albanian, you have my permission ONLY under the following circumstances- a) you do not use Google translate to translate my work as most of the meaning will be lost,  b) you do not change the pictures that I use as you will give my words a twisted meaning, c) you include a link to the original article.
3. Remember that I love this country and (most of) you. If you attack me as a result of what I have written here, I will give as good as I get before blocking and deleting you- if you can’t take a joke, you are on the wrong site.

Lots of love, The Balkanista xxx

• Only in Albania does driving anywhere outside of Tirana involve sharing bits of the road with goats/cows/sheep/all three.
• Only in Albania do you go to your boyfriend’s mum’s house and come back 5kg heavier and with enough food for a week.
• Only in Albania do you have to specify that you want coffee in your coffee…
• Only Albania will you see women wearing fluffy sandals that look like you have stepped in road kill, in August. Surely that cannot be cool for your feet?
• Only in Albania is there a type of tea to cure everything.
• Only in Albania do fans/having wet hair/leaving a window open at night cause immediate sickness and risk of death.
• Only in Albania can you get into an argument over who WANTS to pay the coffee bill, rather than who doesn’t want to.
• Only in Albania is it preferable to set off fireworks off your balcony at any time of the night and for absolutely any reason whatsoever, regardless of health/safety/noise pollution/scaring the crap out of your sleeping neighbours.
• Only in Albania is it still acceptable to have Christmas decorations still up in AUGUST!
• Only in Albania is it possible to get abused on Facebook because you referred to it as a ‘Greek Salad” even though the menu referred to it as a “sallate greke”. Love people being proud of where they are from, but keep it off my dinner plate.
• Only in Albania do motorcycle/scooter helmets seem to be a mere suggestion.
• Only Albania is cheese its own food group and must be eaten in at least three different ways with each meal.
• Only in Albania are the following, national public holiday’s; Summer Day, Persian New Year, Catholic Easter, Orthodox Easter, Eid (Al-Fitr and Al-Adha) and Christmas Day- FEEL THE LOVE AND RELIGIOUS TOLERANCE!
• Only in Albania are there more hotels than tourists.
• Only in Albania will you see a burgundy velvet Mercedes with gold trim/Bentley with a camo paint job cruising around the city centre.
• Only in Albania do you have to direct your Baboon delivery man to the nearest bar/historical landmark because there is no way on God’s green earth that he will find your address.
• Only in Albania do you have to give directions to the taxi driver, as well as setting the location on his Google Maps AND GPRS, and then still have to shout left/right/straight (in English and Albanian) at him, even for the simplest of journeys.
• Only in Albania do the number of lavazho outnumber people and cars.
• Only in Albania can you buy just one pill from an entire box, instead of the whole box like elsewhere.
• Only in Albania are weddings a marathon event where survival of the fittest is the applicable mantra.
• Only in Albania is it possible to visit the beach, the lake, the country, the mountains and the city, all in the same hour.
• Only in Albania is it acceptable to ask super personal questions to people you have just met/ never spoken to before in your life.
• Only in Albania is sitting by the road watching the world go by, an Olympic sport.
• Only in Albania will all of your most important and life-changing decisions be made over coffee.
• Only in Albania does “let’s go for a drink” really mean just the one, whereas in England it means “let’s go drink the bar dry and end up in a field two days later covered in glitter”. This is a good thing.
• Only in Albania do eggs come in multiples of four, instead of six.
• Only in Albania does is the question “do you want…*insert name of food/drink here*” not really a question, but rather an instruction.
• Only in Albania do rented apartments/hotels come with their own set of indoor shoes that remain with the property.
• Only in Albania will you be welcomed with open arms and kindness by almost everyone that you meet, regardless of where you are from.