It is the 17th of June 2018, and to date, six Albanian women have been killed by a husband, partner, or ex. 1275 protection orders have been enforced, 490 men were under investigation, and 270 men have been arrested. This is unacceptable- Albania is a beautiful place full of lovely people and has a fascinating and rich culture, but somewhere, somehow, something has gone very, very wrong.
I lived in Malta for 10 years where the severity of domestic violence was one of the highest in Europe, and the multiple failings of the judicial system and police were found to be the number one reason why women did not report gender-based violence. I experienced this first hand, but my experience is for another article.
This matter is extremely close to my heart and now that I have overcome the obstacles that family violence placed in front of me, I feel it is my duty to use my voice to shout loudly and clearly that this situation is not ok and that things have to change.
Yesterday, I attended a protest outside the Police Directorate in Tirana. Organised as a response to the sixth murder this year, the organisers and those present demanded a significant improvement in the way that police handle instances of domestic violence.
One of the organisers, Arjole Nje told me;
We want the police to react differently on cases of violence against women. At least three of the women who were murdered had asked for the help of the police prior to their murders. The killer of Xhuuljeta Cuni was released on a verbal promise that he would not assault her again. Ariela Murati was killed on her way to the police station because despite calling the police, they refused to come. Fildez Hafzi had a protection order in place, yet was still brutally murdered by someone that was supposed to love her.”
It is clear from these facts that the police really need to improve the way in which they handle such situations and they also need to understand that a cry for help is not just a “whinging woman” that probably deserves it.
A close friend of mine has a similar story to tell. She was viciously beaten in her bed by her boyfriend and she had to fight to action to be taken. Turning up at the police station covered in blood, they were reluctant to take a statement and even asked her what she had done to provoke him. She fought for five months to get justice for the violence inflicted upon her and despite considerable evidence, the perpetrator didn’t spend a single day in prison and still harasses her to this day. To make matters worse, not one, but TWO of the policeman that dealt with her case, sexually harassed her via WhatsApp just hours after the event, trying to get her to go for a drink with them and sending kissing emojis. And yes, it is true as I have seen the messages myself.
Another friend survived an attempted kidnapping by her ex-partner, only to be told “but he loves you, this is his way of showing it”.
Examples such as this just go to show the way that many of the people that are supposed to protect us, just don’t take domestic violence seriously. This is why people congregated outside of the police station yesterday and this is why we protested.
One of the several men present at the protest, Serxhio Gjata told me:
“This issue is getting to the point that I can’t get any more disappointed and disillusioned with our society. Everyone is worried what politicians argue about in talk shows, worried more about the tests coming for finals, worried more for a 5 euro toll on a country-road than worried about their friends, mothers and sisters being brutalized, maimed and slaughtered on a daily basis. It’s just disheartening seeing the killing of a kid is more normal and morally accepted than a women wearing a skimpy outfit. How can a girl grow in this environment to the fullest of her potential?”
Whilst yesterday the crowd may have been small (where were the 7200 people that said they would come?) but emotions ran high. The three organisers- just students, not from any particular NGO or organisation, were truly inspiring. Hearing them speak with such anger and passion was incredibly moving, not to mention motivating. Another organiser, Gresa Hasa- a political sciences student and a civil rights activist said this during the protest:
“We are here today to demand from the state an answer on why the police has NEVER taken in consideration all these girls and women cases when they complained about these criminals that they were violating them and threatening them with their lives; when they asked from the police – not once, not twice, not three or four times but dozens and dozens of times – to protect them. They had the courage to come to the police station even when they were sent back but they were never taken seriously and instead they were silenced and offered back into the hands of their murderers by the police themselves. It’s time to address this problem properly with its correct name: femicide! We’re talking about femicide- 6 women have been murdered since January until today and these statistics are terrifying. Violence is not something that happens to people far away from our lives- it affects us every single day: when we leave home, when we come back home from school or work, when we go out to have a drink or when we’re simply walking down the street. This state doesn’t guarantee women safety. This is not an Albanian phenomenon- violence is a human phenomenon but the difference from one society to another, from one country to another it’s in the way how we choose to address this huge problem. This is our concern in Albania right now. Whilst I am speaking to you now, there are those that are romanticising murder and justifying it- the media, society, politicians- these are not crimes of passion they are crimes. Love gives life, love doesn’t take life. If there is one passion in this society, it is the passion for blood and killings, but we will not tolerate it any more.”
Of course, the protest received the expected amount of criticism. I was criticised for having my sign in English (sorry, I don’t yet speak Albanian fluently) and I was accused of doing for attention and my efforts being pointless. Of course, these critics are people that do nothing except sit behind a computer screen looking for something to complain about, and when pressed they couldn’t tell me what the protest was actually about, nor could they suggest a better idea.
I may not be Albanian, I may not speak your language, and I may not have suffered abuse here, but that does not mean that I should not stand up for the rights of Albanian women. I love this country and I want to help in any way I can to fix what is broken in society. This blog is a place for positivity and zero politics, but as someone with a voice, there are some things I cannot ignore.
I have a story to tell, and most important I have a story of survival to tell that may inspire someone to change their situation. I have written occasionally and minimally about what happened to me, but to those that say it was for attention, I wish I could make you feel how it felt to stand there with a megaphone, with eyes and cameras on you, and to speak about something (even for a moment) that not only terrifies you, but that society still makes you feel guilty and ashamed of. It takes a lot of guts and it is not something someone does for likes, for sympathy, or to be a martyr, I do it in the hope that it may help someone else because believe me, it is not easy. By using my voice I am not trying to change the minds of aggressors, but rather I am hoping to reach those who feel trapped, ashamed, scared, and helpless.
To those that criticse, to those that defend the undefendable, to those that make excuses, to those that sit behind their computer bitching and doing nothing, and to those that were too busy drinking coffee yesterday to come and make their voices heard, I say “what are YOU going to do to protect your daughters, sisters, friends, mothers, and female family members?” With 1 in 2 Albanian women experiencing domestic abuse over the course of their lifetimes, this is something that affects us all.
As I said when I spoke to the crowd yesterday- there is always a way out, you do not deserve it, and it is not your fault. Love should not hurt.
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