Now I realise that as a foreigner I am on dangerous ground posting these jokes. But please remember that I LOVE this country and the Albanian people, and that this is only meant to be a bit of fun!
- Will you see Christmas decorations still up and the odd Christmas song on bar/café playlists…in March.
- Does someone driving a Smart Car need two spaces to park.
- Is the unofficial winter uniform, a padded jacket with a fur hood- for men and women.
- Is it socially acceptable to drink 15 coffees before midday.
- Is it socially acceptable to drink raki before midday.
- Is it considered a bad move to stare at someone for any longer than a split second unless you know them.
- Is it ok to be the biggest patriot ever, yet simultaneously be plotting your escape to the UK/Canada/Germany/USA.
- Do the busses run when they feel like it.
- Is it quite common to see men walking around arm in arm.
- Will you be sat on the bus and someone sits down next to you clutching 5 live chickens bound together.
- Does your local corner shop/ kancileri/ butchers ALSO stock Louis Vuitton’s latest handbag line.
- Conduct all of your business and social life, as well as order pizza, book a taxi, complain about your internet service, or buy a new laptop, via WhatsApp.
- Are traffic light meanings completely opinion based.
- Are indicators optional.
- Will people you have never met before, insist on buying you raki/coffee upon learning you are foreign, and then get offended if you refuse.
- Will you end up having friends from countries you didn’t know even still existed.
- Will raw crustaceans become a diet staple.
- Are sequins, silver beads, pink fur, and leather suitable materials to make leggings/bomber jackets/ t-shirts/ day-wear/ office-wear from.
- Is smoking more socially acceptable than unacceptable.
- Will “avash avash” become your mantra.
- Will you get sucked into teaching English if you are a native English speaker. Regardless of whether you want to or not, it is going to happen so it is better to just accept it and get it over with.
- Do you see more supercars each day than in the whole of London in a year.
- Do you get used to carrying around dog treats in your bag to feed all the strays.
- Does a club/bar/coffee shop playlist consist of Pitbull, Jon Bon Jovi, Noizy, Leonard Cohen, and Albanian folk music. On shuffle.
- Will you be prepositioned by street kids clutching a baby, only for them to walk off and tuck it under their arm (because its actually a doll) as soon as you say no.
- Can you not make any concrete plans if you are travelling by public transport. There are no departure times or schedules, so planning 12 hours in advance for anywhere you need to be (outside the capital) isn’t a bad idea.
- You hear a loud bang at night and you are legitimately unsure whether it was a gunshot or a firework/car backfiring.
- Is it socially acceptable to own a gun or five.
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